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Chapter 11
Visiting Jeremy and Making a Partnership

Most weekends, I would spend my time at Robert and Scott's camp. Many families in Louisiana have a "Camp". This is a smaller home, usually built near the bayou or the levee, which families used for cookouts and entertaining. This camp belonged to Robert’s family and Scott and he used it on the weekends. They were my sexual mentors that summer, as they had been in their relationship for longer than any other gay people I knew. They invited me into their lives, and their bed. I have always remained grateful to them for helping me during the first months of my coming out.

Jeremy and I wrote letters to each other all the time. He would send me lyrics from Janis Ian songs and I fell in love with her music. Very much like Cat Stevens, Janis seemed to be singing most of her songs directly to me, directly to my heart. I was also coming to grips with my dysfunctional family back in Loreauville, and Cat Stevens music was touching me and making it feel like I was far from alone in the world. His song, Father and Son would bring me to tears of emotion and rage toward my father. Janis Ian's song From Me to You sang the story of my young gay life, of the oppression and isolation I felt others imposing on me. These times remained among the most emotionally trying times of my life.

Sarah and I drove up to visit Jeremy that summer. It's about a 20 hour drive to Virginia, and Sarah wanted to drive straight through. We alternated sleeping and driving the whole way. From Georgia to Virginia we drove through such a terrible thunderstorm that we often had to pull off the road because visibility was almost zero. We arrived at Jeremy's apartment, and after the initial hugs, kisses, and hello's, Jeremy and I got back to the suspended business of exploring each other sexually. I have always prided myself in being able to cram a LOT of living into a very short amount of time. The kind of thing that makes me surprised when I realized that the last month of time was really only one week.

Jeremy told us about the first few days alone in his apartment. The only furniture in his living room was a small color television set and a telephone. When he wasn't working, he existed on TV dinners and television. He said one night he called his mom during his evening TV dinner and TV ritual. He told her all about his job, and then they both cried for a bit about the bleakness and loneliness he was experiencing. Later that night he watched a Julia Child cooking show and said:

" I can do that."

He threw away the rest of his TV dinner and by the time we arrived for our visit, he had a couple of her cookbooks and was on his way to becoming a great cook.

Jeremy and I had an intimate conversation a couple of days before Sarah and I were to return to Louisiana. We both agreed that the times we spent together were very enjoyable, and that we seemed very compatible. Jeremy asked me if I would like to try living together when I graduated, and I accepted his invitation, my heart brimming with love.

When Sarah and I got home, Jeremy and my correspondence picked up threefold. Song Lyrics, letters, and greeting cards were now exchanged several times a week. It was in Late August that I decided it was time to tell mom.

I went home to Loreauville to visit one weekend and decided to test the new found waters of my mom's acceptance of my sexual orientation. After all she had just recently come from a party at my home where more than half the attendees were homosexuals. Thinking to save the subject of Jeremy and my commitment to each other, I decided to bring up the subject of my friends to her. I vividly remember that we were sitting in the hallway of our home, a very unusual place for us to sit as there were no chairs there. We were reclining on the floor leaning up against the walls. I told her that I was really enjoying being on my own and that I had made a lot of friends. I went on to tell her that most of those new friends were homosexual, gay. I paused, watching this understanding sink in to her. With tears in both of our eyes from emotion she asked me:

" Are you gay?"
I closed my eyes, blinking back the tears, breathed deeply, but all I could get out was:
" I don't know mom, I'm still working on that one. I'll let you know when I've figured it out."

We held each other and cried until the emotion of the moment passed. I don't think we ever brought up the topic again. I'm sure she must have known from that conversation, but this kind of news was too big for her to voice that conclusion out loud. She would patiently wait until I told her myself.

I called Jeremy that weekend and told him that I had chickened out and not really come out to her, that I thought the news would be too drastic just now. Little did I know how soon drastic news would catch up with all of us.

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