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Chapter 8
Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

My introduction to computer Science class was an honors level course. I discovered in the honors group others who actually enjoyed learning. I took readily to this group and decided to take honors level courses whenever possible. Our teachers name for my Comp Sci class was Jeremy; He was actually a graduate assistant going for his master's degree in Computer Science. He was tall, a bit lanky, with a weathered complexion, and he was a great teacher. Our university was one of the few in the nation beginning to offer interactive computing, where you got to use a terminal instead of punch cards. We were the first class to have access to this new system. The days of punch cards were over.

Because it was the hot new thing on campus, lots of people were taking computer science. The line of people waiting for an available terminal in the terminal room was long. Finally they instituted a chalkboard signup and an enforced time limit. So you could signup for a time slot and then go off somewhere to wait, instead of standing in line. I spent most of my time hanging out at a coffeehouse and bar called the Red Dog Saloon. My new friends there were: James, and his sister Susan, her friend Sarah, Brian, Jeremy, and any number of other tag-a-longs that liked staying up until 2 AM for computer time. James got me interested in Karate. A friend of his from ROTC, Glen, was the Sensei, which means "teacher." I took karate several times a week and loved the self discipline and confidence it taught me. I advanced quickly over the two years I was there and was soon a brown belt, (one step down from a black belt.) I remember Sensei giving us a belt test one day; we were each kneeling several yards apart facing the wall of the gym. After most of the physical testing was over Sensei went up to each of us and told us quietly and individually:

" I have a large knife against your throat; tell me what you'll do next"
When he got to me, and I heard the question, I replied "Anything you want me to do sir."
" Right answer." He replied.

James and I moved off campus together the semester after we met, and I pretty much decided that I now lived in Lafayette, and not Loreauville. Jeremy was on a steering committee for a group called "Alterum". I accompanied him to a meeting of the group one evening and found that I REALLY enjoyed being around the other members. I met Scott and Robert here. As I got to know everyone better I realized that I had finally found my kindred spirits. That ache within me was becoming soothed. There was a name for us I found out, we were gay. With this realization came a wave of relief, and correctness. I had finally found a home. It explained so many things that I had wondered about. In my sheltered existence I had never heard the word "gay". Once I heard it, and understood it, I knew that was what I was.

Even with this realization, it was still a time when gay people were not only invisible, but also, mostly despised. Alterum's goal was to begin the process of changing that.

As part of the honors program, I had to attend a class called Honors Seminar which met once a week, and was taught by the students who attended. Anyone could sign up for any topic, and everyone was expected to either lead or help lead one class during the semester. Dr. Pat was the teacher who led this group. She was also the head of the honors department. She and her husband, Dr. Milton, both taught classes in the English building. I liked Dr. Pat, and always wanted to do whatever I could to make her proud of me.

One evening during an Alterum meeting, I was introduced to Jeremy's "lover" (or boyfriend.) His name was Brian. Now even though I hung out with the Alterum group, I had not announced my sexuality to anyone, not even my college friends, not even to the others at Alterum. They didn't require you to be gay to go to the group's meetings. Jeremy and Sarah and Brian and I began to do most things as a group. I was even beginning to go home to Loreauville, less and less often.

Brian began telling Jeremy, "Hey, I think Craig is gay."
Jeremy said he didn't think so, that I was just this nice guy but, "gay? I don't think so."

Jeremy was graduating that year, and had been given an offer to work for Honeywell computers. This is the same company that made the computer system, "Multics", which we were using at USL. The branch of Honeywell he would work for was located in Northern Virginia, near Washington DC. After graduation, Jeremy and Brian were planning to move there together. This was to be Jeremy's first job in the post-college real world, and he was very nervous. He was leaving his hometown, his friends, family, and everything he found comforting and familiar, and moving to a new and unknowable future. He was very glad to have Brian along. Here at least was someone he could share things with, and ease the transition.

My and James lease was up on our apartment and we were each looking for another source of housing. I found a place with a classmate and friend, and planned to move into a home a few blocks off campus. The house was a great find, affordable, and we still had another bedroom available for another roommate.

About this time Brian decided to help me out of the closet. He started really heavy flirting, and even though Sarah and Jeremy told him I was straight, he continued to play "The Game." The Game is played by one gay person, and one person of unknown sexuality. I really enjoyed the attention that Brian was lavishing on me. To this day I'm a great sucker for anyone that pays genuine attention to me

Suddenly, to the surprise of everyone involved -- including me, Brian announces that he is leaving Jeremy, to pursue me! This was a crushing blow to Jeremy as he would now have to face his new state, job, and life, -- alone.

Brian seduced me several days later, on the couch in the living room of my new home. It was the first time I had ever made love to another man. It felt natural, tender, correct, and most of all, wonderful. Brian asked if he could move into the spare bedroom. We said yes, and Brian moved in. We continued to have sex together, though I did not consider that I was dating him, or that he was my partner. Sex back then (Pre-HIV-era) was a casual thing, without hang-ups

It was common knowledge that Brian moved in with us, I assumed everyone also knew that Brian had succeeded in seducing me. Jeremy didn't blame me for these events, though I know he resented Brian's involvement.

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